Why sex coaching?
I felt in love with sex coaching as soon as I heard about this career option.
It was in 2013. I was a transgender activist and blogger and a former student of psychology with a specialization in oh-so-mainstream sexology. From Agata Loewe and Karo Akabal I got an invitation on SAR – as a speaker and a full-time participant. It was the very first edition of SAR in Poland and I had no clue what to expect from this event.
Sexual Attitude Reassessment and Restructuring experience
SAR literally changed my life. I was full of acceptance and affirmation. After struggling at the university with prejudices towards sexual minorities and lack of their existence in the studies’ program, I spent two and half a day on talking about: LGBT people, kinky lifestyle, sex workers, porn (also very non-mainstream), body modifications, sexuality of people with disabilities… I cannot tell you more – you have to experience it by yourself.
I also got lots of support from the whole group and I felt very appreciated and welcome by SAR leaders: Dr Patti Britton and Dr Robert Dunlap (who, unfortunately, passed away a year ago).
This feeling of being welcome and not so different from others was cherished by me for a long time.
During SAR I had a thought that Polish sexology (as I knew it five years ago) is not the right place for me. I wanted to study Western sex-positive sexology and I totally felt in love with Dr Patti Britton and Dr Robert Dunlap, so, obviously, I wanted to be their student. And this is how I discovered sex coaching.
During my academy training I had no clue what kind of psychologist I want to become. I was thinking about therapy, life coaching, doing workshops and, of course, sexology. That’s a lot. And I had this preconception I have to choose only one of them. I was lost and confused.
Sex coaching was the answer. As a sex coach, I could do everything. Well, not the deep therapy – I learnt I wouldn’t be good at it. But workshops? Of course! Coaching? Hell yes! And sexology? Naturally!
Moreover, sex coaching comes with this attitude I love so much: that everything safe, sane and consensual is OK. So being LGBT+ is OK. Polyamory is OK. Being in a D/s relationship is OK. Having fetishes is OK. Being a sex worker is OK. And so on.
(Just to be clear, because for some people this is confusing: pedophilia in action is not OK, because children cannot give valid consent. Same with animals and corpses. But in the future, when I will be qualified, I’d want to work also with people with unaccepted preferences and give them some support in doing right choices. As you may remember, I had lots of forensic sexology).
The more I was learning about sex coaching, the more I wanted to do that. Sex coaching is also very dynamic and client-centered, non-hierachical and modern. You can do sessions in person, via Skype or phone or e-mail. You can work with a single person, a couple, a group. And every session is different, because as a sex coach you follow client needs. All of those sound very tempting!
Next few years
Unfortunately, Sex Coach U – the only place in the world where you can study sex coaching – is very expensive for Polish people. For a long time I just couldn’t afford it. But I was doing small steps toward my goal, attending other sex positive workshops, some of them lead by other sex coaches. I finished ASPEX 2015: Advanced Sexological Personal Exploration Xperience, also lead by Dr Patti Britton and Dr Robert Dunlap. It was very challenging but great. I also study The Art of Sex Coaching by Dr Patti Britton. I am slow but not lazy!
And I hope that soon I will collect money to pay the enroll fee and then… I will become a Sex Coach U student!
Wish me good luck!
- The SAR program
- ASPEX 2019
- Sex Coach University
- Dr Patti Britton website
- Dr Robert Dunlap – in memory
- The Art of Sex Coaching
Sex coaching was invented by Dr Patti Britton as a connection of life coaching and sexology. It is still a pioneer career. To get a certificate, you must finish Sex Coach U.